One month home

ONE MONTH HOME

Today marks exactly one month that we have been home from Primary Children's Hospital.

We were featured on Primary Children's blog this month: http://primarychildrenshospitalblog.org/

We are thrilled to be home and I have been so swamped that I haven't had time to sit down and write. This will be my last blog on chasemakin.blogspot.com. I am moving my blog to: www.makinstories.blogspot.com.

We feel soo blessed with all the love and support that we have received over these last three months (exactly, today). We are so blessed to live where we live, have the love and support of so many family and friends throughout the world and have grown closer and stronger as a family unit throughout this experience.

Chase is thriving. We had Spring Break this week. Justin and I took the kids to an Indoor Jungle Gym. It was very padded and we were there the whole time ensuring safety. Chase did great, even playing tag with his sisters and some new friends he met. He laughed his head off as he slid down the endless slide (all enclosed :). Justin and I sat there watching the kids play and we felt beyond blessed at how normal our life has become. It was that normalcy that we longed for 3 months ago. The laughing, the fighting, the cleaning, the working ... all of it - we wanted it all back. We had taken it all for granted; we feel beyond blessed that the Lord gave us another go with our son Chase.

This last month has been a transition not only for Chase, but also for me. I have spoken to some other moms who have gone through this, and they comforted me telling me that what I was feeling was "normal" if there is such thing. It just all hit me like a ton of bricks, hard. Every feeling that I didn't feel in the hospital - all the anger, pain and frustration. I had to put all that to the side and allow my focus to remain on hope and most importantly - my beautiful son.

Chase is RUNNING!! In a crowd, you would never know that he had such a horrific injury. You would never know what he has been through, but we all see it and feel it. He is still Chase, but he is different now ... a little quieter, more obedient and more tender. He and I have never been so close. He brought me a card he made for me in his room today after church. It's a lined paper with a heart drawn on it and the words "I love you I love you." He colored in one heart with red crayon and had black writing, and the other heart he didn't color in and he used red crayon. That artistic boy is still in there, it will just take time - WHICH WE HAVE!

Today, in church we were taught a beautiful lesson on the importance of this life ... and how it goes on for eternity. How we can all be so hard on ourselves, yet how the Lord loves us soo much and he just wants us to experience joy, continue to learn lessons and grow, and more importantly - lean on Him and ask Him for help. I have never wanted anything more than when Chase fell. I wanted everything, all at once. But I was taught patience.

I LOOK AT LIFE SO MUCH DIFFERENTLY. Watching Chase recover I learned: okay, so he didn't learn how to hold a fork TODAY, but look at the progress from YESTERDAY. I learned that things are learned line upon line, precept upon precept. That great lessons don't happen over night. That it takes time, and we have time.

In the past, I have been mainly hard on myself. Thinking that I had failed in certain areas and "if I could do it over again" and self pity. NOW I see life ... as a gift. Each moment a treasure. I have learned to SLOW down and take life as it comes. Justin is very deliberate. He isn't very excitable, he doesn't get too worked up over things - good and bad, and he is just very peaceful. I used to get on him because he wouldn't go toe to toe with me. He wouldn't argue with me ... plow through things. He slowly did them and the end result always blew mine out of the water. I see now. Not that he was right ... okay maybe on this ... but just this ... but that even though he seems slower, he is more deliberate. He puts more thought into things and takes his time. I do that now with our children. I used to plow through homework, just to check it off! Now, I ensure that my children understand the material - even if it means not getting through it all before dinner and having to finish a little after. Sometimes, the mind and body need time to rest and process new information.

Chase has taught me so much through this. He has taught me to LAUGH! He laughs about everything. I think that is what heaven is like. Lots of laughter, rejoicing and love. When I am around him, I can't keep my hands off of him. I am constantly grabbing his hand, kissing him and just hugging his neck. Apparently, I do it in public too because we went to a baseball game and he threw my hand down while sitting in the bleachers. He said "Mom! Not in public." OHHH How I love it! Normalcy!

Brooke and Brianna are warrior children. The first two weeks Chase was home, they were a indifferent toward him and a little mean. We had many family talks about how everyone was feeling. It's my conclusion that this whole experience was just hard! And we are giving them a little lee-way and permission to act out just a bit. We try to channel it appropriately, but they need lots of love and hugs and kisses - and that will never change :) They love their brother and I often catch them running up to him saying "We prayed that you would come home, and now you are! YEAHH!!" They always talk about him (when they think I am not listening) and say, "That's my brother. He almost died. He's a miracle." They are so proud of him, and as they mature they will find the right language and words to articulate how they truly feel. But today, it's including him while playing tag at a public park, snuggling with him and playing iPads and sitting at the kitchen counter with him eating oatmeal before school and being so excited to go to school and show him off.

Bailee is adjusting slowly. She is the baby and has reverted a bit - which is okay by me! She was very clingy to me the first two weeks, not letting me out of her sight and constantly asking me when I had to go back to the hospital. Every time I said, "Honey mommy is home. I'm not going any more." She started to believe me a little more each time. Now it's "Mommy, hold me. I'm your baby, right?" She is sleeping in a pack and play at night - which helps her to feel safe and secure in her own big girl room. Oftentimes she still sleeps with her sisters or Chase, which I know won't last forever - so I am cherishing these moments. She is so brave and loving. She truly is a gift.

Justin and I went back to the park where Chase fell two Fridays ago. When we pulled into the parking lot Justin looked over at me and his eyes got big. I think we both realized that I was shaking. He put his arms around me and I just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. It felt good, cleansing. We just sat there for a bit and I looked up at the slide and couldn't believe how tall it actually was. We got out of the car and went over to it. Justin put his hand up to touch the top and couldn't. He's 6'8" and we concluded that it was about 2 of him. Truly, truly tall. We took turns going up to the top and looking over. Looking over where Chase fell. I sat where Bailee sat and thought of Chase being a boy trying to get around his sister to hurry up and get down the slide. I looked over and my stomach flipped. It was high. Justin was on the ground as I was looking over and he commented on how hard the ground was. Justin said he wanted to go back and measure the slide; we haven't made it back.

Chase still has his therapies three times a week and he is continuing to make progress - which is great. His body is loser and it can do most anything he wants. He still has a few interesting habits - like picking his nose and touching his face, but it's slowing down and it won't last forever :) He is working on his short term memory. Like if you give him a sequence "4 9 8 7 5" he will say "4 9 7 8." We have worked all week with him and even just this week being home on Spring break, he's gotten better - faster.

His handwriting was 90% (letter formation, spacing, etc) prior to his accident. I brought in a sample of his handwriting, which was his letter to Santa. His therapist and I shed a few tears - but she reminded me that he will get it back. She told me that oftentimes kids with all kinds of injuries - broken bones, strained muscles - have to re-learn how to write and that he will get it! His handwriting is already about 30% after just a month! He started at 19%. That's a huge increase and we expect him to just continue to improve. He will be going for four hours to school tomorrow and I don't know who is more of a wreck, him or me. He keeps saying "Mom, I'll be fine. I'll be careful." I know he will.

I know that Chase may endure a little bullying because of how he walks or talks or processes - but it won't last forever and it will only make him stronger and more compassionate. I trust in the Lord. I know that the Lord gave Chase these disabilities because he could handle them. I know that with hard work and dedication Chase will be back to 100%. Like I said, he is a little slow and awkward when he runs and can't write and his speech is a little slow. His brain got injured! He's alive!!!!! I am okay with all of this and more :)

Perspective: Chase is 9. He will recover just fine - one day at a time. Line upon line; precept upon precept.

I am so thrilled to be home - ONE MONTH TODAY and just so grateful that it was part of God's plan to keep my precious boy here on Earth longer so we could enjoy him. More than anything, I learn from my son. My son is one of the most Christ like people I know. Last night, as we were watching our kids play, Justin said quietly to me, "You show me another 9-year-old who could endure what Chase has as well and as gracefully." My eyes filled with tears and I nodded. I couldn't think of one. This was part of Chase's plan - part of our family's plan. We are stronger, more united and stronger in the gospel more than ever before. I love the Lord, I love this gospel and I am grateful for miracles on earth today. I love you all and can't wait to post pictures of our future with our four beautiful children.

Slow and Steady,

Jen